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Sleep Paralysis.In my dreams, my hopeless dreams.
My brain's awaken, my body sleeping.
Though I feel my body aching,
the lights are flicking, sanity breaking.
In the corner, a hateful ghoul.
In my bed a restless cool.
Dreading nightmares my head creates,
though my brain is still awake.
There is no fending life,
for there is no life at stake.
Sanity broken, heart awake.
There's no escaping sleepless fate.
There is no sleeping in tonight,
for I already am, asleep tonight.
Give me a distraction.I've lived in pain.
Agony and misery.
I don't feel a gain,
no victory or fame.
I've lived here for years,
addiction without suffering.
While I sit here,
I'm drowning in rain.
Living in rain,
soaking in rainwater.
Give me a chance,
a chance to redeem myself.
I'm not here for fame,
fortune or graditude.
I'm just here in search anything.
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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